Let me be honest with you. I have had a lot of ice cream in my life. A lot. And every grocery store pint that calls itself "vanilla bean" is lying to your face with about three specks of vanilla and a whole lot of hope. This is the real thing. A custard base so rich it coats the back of a spoon like silk, real vanilla bean so the flavor runs deep instead of just smelling nice, and a texture so dense and creamy that you will understand, finally, what all the fuss about homemade is.
Now, before you panic, hear me out. You need an ice cream maker, yes, but one of those cheap countertop churners does the job. The actual work is about 20 minutes. You cook a custard, you chill it overnight, you churn it while you sit there watching something. That is it. And the payoff is a quart and a half of ice cream that tastes like it costs fourteen dollars at some fancy place, except you made it in your kitchen and you get to eat it standing in front of the freezer at midnight like a champion.
The night before churning, freeze your ice cream maker's canister solid, at least 24 hours. This is the one thing people forget, and a lukewarm canister is how you end up with soup. Put it in there now.
Warm the base: in a medium saucepan, combine 1 cup of the heavy cream, the milk, sugar, salt, and the scraped vanilla seeds plus the empty pod. Heat over medium, stirring, until the sugar dissolves and it is steaming, not boiling. Take it off the heat and let the vanilla steep 20 minutes.
In a medium bowl, whisk the egg yolks until slightly pale. While whisking constantly, pour about a cup of the warm cream mixture into the yolks to temper them. Then pour the tempered yolks back into the saucepan, whisking the whole time.
Cook the custard over medium-low heat, stirring constantly with a wooden spoon or spatula, until it thickens enough to coat the back of the spoon and holds a line when you drag your finger through it. This is about 170 to 175F. Do not let it boil. Boiling is how you get sweet scrambled eggs, and nobody wants that.
Strain the custard through a fine-mesh sieve into a clean bowl, pressing out every drop. This catches the vanilla pod and any cooked bits, and it is what separates the smooth stuff from the lumpy stuff.
Stir in the remaining 1 cup of cold heavy cream and the vodka or kirsch if you are using it. The alcohol does not change the flavor. It just lowers the freezing point a hair so the ice cream stays scoopable instead of turning into a brick. Science, but delicious.
Chill the base completely, at least 4 hours, but overnight is better. A cold base churns faster and freezes smaller ice crystals, which means a smoother finished texture. Do not skip this. Patience is an ingredient.
Churn in your ice cream maker according to the manufacturer's directions, usually 25 to 30 minutes, until it is thick and holds soft peaks like whipped cream. Transfer to a freezer container, press plastic wrap directly on the surface, and freeze at least 4 hours to firm up. Then scoop it and act like you do this all the time.
If you do not have a vanilla bean, the extract goes in AFTER cooking, not before, because high heat burns off the flavor. Stir 2 tablespoons of pure extract into the cold base right before churning. It will not have the visual drama of the little black specks, but the flavor will still smoke anything in the freezer aisle.
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